I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
