Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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