To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
