Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Randomize
