We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
