we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
