This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
