I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
