I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
