Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I've blown a few things in my day
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I think I have vodka in my lungs
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
