Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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