I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I intend to get homeless drunk
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
