Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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