I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
