hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
