Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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