I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
