Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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