Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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