I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
