Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
