i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
