those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
