paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i've created a new STD.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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