I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
