dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
