kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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