I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
