My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
