I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Randomize
