I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
