Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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