You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
