It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Randomize
