Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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