they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
