Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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