like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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