I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize