i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
bring money and cleavage
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
