I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
