her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
