My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
