I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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