Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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