Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
