Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
