ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
