There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize