we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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