Pregnant stripper...not hot.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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