I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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