wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
