even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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