Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
