Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
