i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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