Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
