I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
