may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
That accounts for only three of the penises
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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