did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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