Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
