I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
