Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
