No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I am spending my child support on dildos
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
