I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
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