i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
wrigley field is MILF paradise
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize